I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize