i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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