from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
