I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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