R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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