Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He passed out mid-signature
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
