I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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