I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
