Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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