just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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