u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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