I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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