none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
