You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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