I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
