textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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