My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
