I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just google imaged poop.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
