So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
