Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
