everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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