Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
