I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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