i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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