I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
