oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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