woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
