Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
