Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
