It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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