Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
