It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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