Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
