I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
