You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
