my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
