The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
