I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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