Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
