He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hippo gnu deer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize