you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
