so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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