shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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