Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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