come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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