Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize