He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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