I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
