Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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