You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
