i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
