Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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