so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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