Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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