did you get engaged???
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
