3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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