so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
