I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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