3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
